Plouffe (verb) plouffed, plouffing, plouffes – the process of shaking off undesirables while maintaining one’s poll standing

Since David Plouffe is at the White House trying to repair the disaster that is the Messiah’s first year, we thought you might want to get a quick opinion on your own prospects and some ideas on how to salvage what is left of your future.

The economy: Dirt cookies for everyone!

Industrial capacity continued to fall in December 2009, marking twelve full months of decline – only the second such period of decline in the historical records available to us. Industrial capacity declined more than fifty percent further than the then unprecedented decline in industrial capacity that occurred from September 2002 to October 2004. That drop saw capacity fall by nearly one percent over a 26 month period. In this period of decline, however, industrial capacity has fallen an astonishing 1.43 percent in only 12 months.

Industrial capacity is being exported to low wage industrial parks

So far as we can tell, the rate of decline is still accelerating with a monthly average rate (0.12 percent) that is three times the average rate of decline seen during 2002 to 2004 (0.04 percent).

Many of the states hardest hit by unemployment in this recession were previously identified in a 2008 report from the Economic Policy Institute as having suffered most from the export of jobs to China’s industrial park economy between 2001 and 2007 – most are in the top 20 worst hit by offshoring.

Off-shoring in states hit hardest by unemployment

According to the EPI report:

The growth of U.S. trade with China since China entered the World Trade Organization in 2001 has had a devastating effect on U.S. workers and the domestic economy. Between 2001 and 2007 2.3 million jobs were lost or displaced, including 366,000 in 2007 alone. New demographic research shows that, even when re-employed in non-traded industries, the 2.3 million workers displaced by the increase in China trade deficits in this period have lost an average $8,146 per worker/year. In 2007, these losses totalled $19.4 billion.

The politics of the opportunity society: Single white male seeks condescending savior (No experience necessary)

Coincident with the loss of jobs and wages, working people have lost their independent voices and organizations and are completely dependent on Washington for any concessions from capital. Union membership has plunged to low never seen in post-war records, and the number of union members has collapsed to a mere 8 million out of a workforce of 150 million. By every measure, union participation has effectively ceased to be a significant feature on the most industrialized economy on the planet.

The first unions in the United States were established to limit hours of work. In the not too distant future, there will be more people working at Wal-Mart, than are members of unions.

Decline of union membership in the United States

For the first time, unions of public employees now outnumber those in the private sector – just as states are facing their most difficult and intractable fiscal problems in the post-war period. These are precisely the places where effort will be made to “improve American competitiveness” by reducing costs:

Public employees union members as a percentage of all union members (Source: New York Times)

Next: Look for a concerted effort to smash and paralyze public employee unions. Expect such sustained viciousness as to make the assault on the autoworkers unions during this crisis pale in comparison. We suggest you read up on the butt-fucking Reagan gave to PATCO. Expect also the abrupt elimination of any further unemployment compensation benefits under the banner of fiscal discipline.

You now have no place else to go, and no means of raising your voice against this outrage, since you stupidly thought the Democrats were protecting your interests.

Conclusion: You’re pretty much fucked

You are virtually defenseless and have been outmaneuvered on every level over the last 60 years since the President Truman signed NSC-68. While you were being dazzled by all the post-war trinkets, Wall Street was engaged in a long term covert war on you, your organizations, and your ability to act or think in your own interest. It does not appear, at this late hour, that you can recover any significant portion of the bargaining position you have lost.

As workers, and as citizens, you have been broken and defeated. You’re fucked!

So here are our top 5 suggestions:

1. Practice begging for food. It’s not as easy as you think, but it does get you outdoors.
2. Try to find out what you did with your humanity. It will come in handy when you, the Indian H1B in the next cubicle, and the illegal Mexican migrant who dumps your trash all get downsized as the office is outsourced to Uzbekistan.
3. Don’t call it unemployment, tell people you finally adopted a shorter work week. That way they won’t be repelled by the faint odor of failure you give off at parties.
4. When people tell you they are self-employed, try not to laugh. It is cruel to make fun of the unemployed even if they are Republicans.
5. Join the military. Even if you are fifty, the Army has need for casualties – a heart attack in Afghanistan is as good as a gunshot wound. People who make heart lung machines may no longer be needed in the United States, but we always will need guys who can sleep peacefully after murdering a crowd of wedding goers. And, if they can’t sleep peacefully, we’ll just pretend they can.